Black Eva
by Master Jahaj
Summary: [SI] ***NEWS FLASH*** Toky 3 recieves new Pilot. Property values plummet


Black Eva : Chapter 1

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Black EVA

An Evangelion Self-Insertion

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Disclaimer:

The characters, situations, and other junk involved in this series belong to other people. If they want to sue, they can have my rusted-out Escort and stack of old baseball cards.

* - * - * - *

"" – Spoken

- Thoughts

CAPS – Screaming

* - * - * - *

Chapter I: Fishing with Dynamite

* - * - * - *

A man leaned against the railing of the ship, watching the sun begin to rise over the watery horizon. Silhouetted by the rising sun, his light trench coat billowed out behind him creating a dramatic pose that filmmakers spend days striving to achieve. Oblivious to this and the noise of the flight crew prepping the carrier for the arrival of a transport and equipment, he stood there listening to the calming sounds of the waves splashing against the ship.

"You know they're going to be here in a few hours." A voice broke through his revile. "You may want to dress in some thing a little more appropriate."

The man, a boy really, looked down at his attire. It consisted of a pair of calf-high black hiking boots with a pair of black silk pants tucked into them. A black t-shirt, lightweight black trench coat and black Okley sunglasses that matched his dark hair completed the look and gave off a since of distrust and danger just below the surface. "Why, you wanna steal my look? It _would_ suit you better than it does me."

A man stepped forward out of the shadows and stared at the boy with mild annoyance. "You should at least dress in something that inspires some trust Mike. Even Asuka…"

"Look Kaji," Mike interrupted, "You people didn't hire me or Asuka to be nice and polite little kids. You hired us to fight. I don't care how Asuka acts, but I'm not changing who I am to fit into NERV's idea of a little toy to screw with. If you want that, find yourself another pilot."

With that, Mike looked back out to the ocean, the conversation over as far as he was concerned.

* - * - * - *

Shinji was excited on the way to the fleet. In one day, NERV was doubling the number of active EVA's and pilots. As the transport made it's way the last few miles to their destination, he began to wonder what the new pilots were like. He had heard some rumors about them (like the ones about Misato) and really hoped that they weren't true (like the ones about Misato).

Asuka Langley Soryu, from Germany, was known as a fair pilot with a temper that matched some of the more fierce storms in the past. In simulations, she had a tendency to act more on impulse than thought and ended up performing near suicide runs instead of coordinated attacks. But when she had used tactics, she was good. Very good. Asuka had a long history with her EVA and knew both it and it's abilities very well.

Mike (Family name unknown), from the US, was more of a mystery than anything else. All Shinji could find out about the boys past was that he was named the 4th child only hours after he was named the 3rd, and then his first set of sync ratios, which weren't all that bad. His mercenary tactics and tendency to improvise in the simulators had many people wanting to throw him in a padded room and throw away the key. The results of his psychological exams only encouraged them.

Shinji just hoped that one of them would be friendly. It would be nice to have an actual conversation with another pilot.

* - * - * - *

Mike waited for the transport to land from one of the open landings on the control island. Asuka had already headed down to stake her claim as the best pilot. He smirked at the memory of Asuka 'asking' what his sync ratios were, to which he responded "about average." She still thought that he meant average for a pilot, which was around 30%. He, on the other hand, meant average on a grading scale, 72.5%. He let her have her little fantasy, who knew what would happen when she found out the truth.

As the new passengers disembarked from the transport, Mike was able to recognize Misato and Ikari easily. It wasn't difficult since the other two boys were a little too excited about being on the ship to be part of NERV. Suddenly they stopped. Puzzled, he turned toward Asuka with her dress blown up to her chest and one of the visitors at her feet.

"This ought to be good." Mike muttered to himself. He started chuckling at the first slap and was laughing so hard by the second that he was having trouble standing. This guy I like. Mike thought before making his way down the stairs.

He was able to arrive at the mess hall before the group, so he grabbed a cup of coffee and pulled out a borrowed copy of Playboy. He never really cared for the pictures, but the reader's stories always got a good laugh. He heard them approaching before long. Naturally Asuka was in an argument with someone and had the volume turned all the way up. Grinning evilly, Mike had a brainstorm on how to shut her up for a while and embarrass the hell out of her at the same time.

Asuka was feeling good again; she was finally winning an argument with someone for the first time in over a month since she met Mike. So it came to reason that when something impacted her forehead, she suddenly stopped. She was able to catch whatever it was before it hit the ground and glanced at it before quickly hiding it and turning beet red. Although Asuka was only 14, spending the last few weeks around the 4th child had taught her that small blue packages with the word 'Trojan' on them shouldn't be flaunted around.

"Aww Asuka," Mike pouted in Japanese for the other people. "Embarrassed about your little gift?"

"You...you...you..." Asuka seethed. Only Mike could get her so angry so quickly over nothing.

Mike set his jaw and stood up from the table. "You...what?"

Asuka merely growled and huffed in frustration before sitting and glaring at the boy. Of all the damned luck, she thought. Why do I have to end up with a bunch of wimps and assholes as pilots? 

The group from Tokyo 3 held an uneasy silence through the scene. Someone good enough to shut Asuka up that easily was a little scary. The Playboy he had and style of dress didn't help either. 

"Name's Mike, 4th child." He commented before going back to his magazine.

Misato's attitude picked up at that. She had heard the rumors about the boy but never paid any attention to them because of his abilities (and the fact that if they were true, then some of the ones about her might be also.)

"Mike...um...uh..." She suddenly remembered that she didn't know his family name.

"Just Mike," he supplied helpfully.

"Oh, ok. Mike, I'm Major Misato Katsuragi, Commander of Operations of NERV at Tokyo 3. And this is..."

"June 2010?" Mike interrupted.

"Excuse me?" She asked little shaky.

"Aren't you Miss June 2010?"

"How did you…" Misato stopped herself and turned her confusion-now-anger to the man standing beside her. "KAAAAJIIII!"

"I didn't tell him I swear!" the man in question coughed out.

Mike, on the other hand, was dumbfounded, "Whoa, you mean I was right?"

Mass face-faulting ensued.

"What do you mean 'I was right?'" Misato demanded.

Unfazed, Mike continued. "Well, I thought you looked pretty hot and figured your looks were probably at their peak about four or five years ago and made a joke that kinda backfired." Mike chuckled through another face-fault. "Heh, I guess that means I'd better do a little more, um…research?"

"Why you LITTLE!" Misato was getting ready to jump over the table and strangle the black-clad bastard when a hand landed on her shoulder. She whirled around into Kaji's face. "WHAT!?"

"Maybe you should continue the introductions." He suggested. Truthfully, he was scared for Mike's life. He was a nice kid at heart, but had a habit of pushing people's buttons to get a laugh. This time though, he boy may have gone too far, he hadn't seen Misato _this_ mad since she woke up with a hangover after the party where she modeled for that magazine.

Misato grit her teeth and turned back to Mike for a second before pointing toward the trio of boy from Tokyo 3. "That Shinji, Toji, and Kensuke. _Got it_?"

Mike turned toward the boys, "S'up?"

"Um, hi" Shinji meekly greeted.

"Hey," Toji and Kensuke chorused, still a little shaken up from Misato's outburst.

"So, what's it like living with a former Playboy Bunny?" Mike asked Shinji.

"What is it with you?" Asuka seethed.

Mike turned his attention to her for a moment. "It's rude to interrupt someone, especially when they're not talking to you."

"Rude?" Asuka screamed in Mike's face. "RUDE!? You're talking about Misato being some sort of _pervert_ and you're saying I'm _rude_ for interrupting you?!"

"Misato isn't a pervert and yes, you were being rude." Mike calmly replied and smiled as Asuka screamed in frustration and stormed out of the room. "Now, where were we?"

* - * - * - *

An hour later found the EVA pilots on a small inter-convoy boat on the way to the cargo ship carrying Units 02 and 03. Asuka had dragged Shinji away to show off her EVA only to find Mike waiting for them with the transport ready and waiting. How he had found out she would never figure out, but she just attributed it to one of Mike's many quirks. Mike always seemed to be a step or two ahead of everyone else.

When they docked with the cargo ship, Asuka had immediately disembarked with Shinji in tow while Mike took his time waiting to help tie the boat to the larger ship before grabbing his pack and leaving. About halfway to the cargo hold, he froze, feeling something in the air.

"Shit!" He took off as the ship rocked from an impact. Pushing himself, Mike made it to the hold in under a minute. As he approached, he saw Shinji coming out of a hatchway, a stream of German curses following him out.

"Shinji!" He yelled, grabbing the boy's attention. "Asuka already changing?"

"Yeah but…"

"No time for buts," Mike said opening his pack. "Here's a plug suit. Change into it, you're riding with me." With that, he ran into the room across the corridor helpfully labeled 'Changing Rooms.' Shinji stared at the sign for a moment and started chuckling before following. Asuka was going to explode when she found out about this.

* - * - * - *

"Systems check," Mike ordered in English after he synced up with Unit 03.

**Systems Analysis**

Primary Power:

Offline

Secondary Power:

Online

100%

Tertiary Power:

Offline

Mechanics:

Online

100%

Armor:

100%

Weapons:

Prog. Blade:

Ready

Rifle:

Ready

30 Rounds

Other Systems:

J. Jets:

Offline

0%

Glide Wings:

Offline

0%

"What the hell?" Shinji said as he scanned through the checklist. "Tertiary power? J. Jets? Glide WINGS?"

"Computer, bring fusion reactor online," Mike commanded as Shinji continued to panic. "You there Asuka?" Mike asked in German.

A window popped up with Asuka in it. "I'm here, but we don't have anything but battery backup." She replied in the same language.

"Then let's head for the carrier. I thought I saw them unload an umbilical earlier."

"Right, I'll get Misato to hook it up. Meet you there." The screen winked out.

"Fusion Reactor Online," a synthesized voice stated in English.

"Excellent," Mike said, switching back to Japanese. "Ok Shinji, here's the plan. First, we get to the carrier and get Asuka hooked up. Second, we kill that thing. Third, we have a party and get drunk. Any questions?"

"What?"

"Good," Mike turned to a small radar screen and swore. "Asuka, It's headed this way. Let's move it!" Then, they jumped.

* - * - * - *

"Hello, NERV delivery!" Misato said cheerfully as she entered the bridge. "Would you like to order information on this enemy and countermeasures to use against it?"

"This is a combat situation!" The Captain angrily stated. "No unauthorized personnel allowed!!"

"This is just my opinion, but I'd say this was an angel attack." She smirked.

"All Ships fire at will!" The Captain ignored her.

"Pointless," Misato said, already knowing the outcome. Why would an angel be here? Oh God, is it after the EVAs? She thought as the torpedoes impacted the Angel just before it downed another ship.

"Misato!" The comm crackled. "Are you there Misato?"

"Asuka? What are you doing? Where are you?" she asked snatching the mic away from the Captain.

"I'm in my EVA," Asuka said as she prepared to move, "Mike and Shinji are in his. Listen, we need the umbilicals connected so we can fight this thing."

Misato paled slightly, "Asuka, we only brought one cable."

* - * - * - *

Asuka paused, "One cable? You have two EVAs and only brought _ONE_ cable?!"

Misato was about to respond when Mike cut her off. "Asuka, It's headed this way. Let's move it!"

Not hesitating, Asuka jumped away from the cargo ship as the Angel tore right through it. She landed on an adjacent Cruiser, holding the protective tarp around her like a cape. "Alright Mike, let's get to WHAT THE HELL?"

* - * - * - *

Lets step out of this scene for a moment and take a look why Asuka is confused/surprised at what she's looking at something out of the ordinary. First, she is looking at Mike's EVA. The fact that the EVA is basically the same shape as hers and the two in Tokyo 3 (2 arms, 2 legs, head and torso) isn't what has her in this state. Neither is the glossy black paint job that made it look like a melted shadow. No, the thing that has Asuka in such a state of panic is the large insect-like shell on the back of the EVA. Take into account that no one had really seen Unit 03 while it was being loaded at night or that no one went to see it at any point during the trip made it's sudden appearance a shock to almost everyone who saw it standing on top of a missile frigate with it's glowing red eyes.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfic already in progress.

* - * - * - *

"...the hell is THAT?" almost the entire bridge asked at the same time. The almost is because Kensuke just started drooling and his eyes glazed over at the sight of the two Eva units.

"MISATO!" Mike screamed "You've got 55 seconds ta get that umbilical hooked up or Asuka's chum for the fishies!"

"You heard him" Misato whirled on the Captain, "Get that power cable hooked up NOW!"

"But..."

"No buts! Just do it!"

The Captain looked about ready to protest when another ship went down. "Commander."

"Already done, sir." Replied is subordinate as he set down the phone.

The Captain let out a deep breath, "I just hope you know what you're doing."

* - * - * - *

Meanwhile, back at the EVAs.

"Alright Asuka," Mike said, "You remember how to play hopscotch?"  
  


"Of course dumkof."

"Then last one to the carrier wears a dress at the party later." With that, Mike jumped onto a convenient Battle cruiser.

"Then you're goin' in drag arschloch." Asuka promised as she jumped to an S&R vessel.

"YOU TWO ARE CRAZY!!!" Shinji screamed at the top of his lungs.

Mike stopped the EVA and glared at Shinji through his sunglasses. "We are _not_ crazy jackass." Shinji let out a breath. "We're completely and utterly insane, there's a difference!" Mike continued happily.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGH!" Shinji screamed (bet you didn't figure that one out) as Mike and Asuka landed on the carrier at the same time.

The Carrier groaned and sank down a few dozen feet as the EVAs crash-landed on the deck. After a second, it buoyed up and shifted under the sudden weight.

"Plug me in." Asuka demanded as she handed Mike the umbilical.

Mike shoved the plug into Unit 02. "Got ya. Let's toast this thing."

"Mike," Misato came over the comm. "Shutdown and let Asuka fight this thing. You don't have the battery life to attack."

Mike chuckled, "Misato, I've got a backup generator with 9 minutes 14seconds left on it and I still have a full battery. As long as I don't really screw up, I'm good to go."

Backup generator? Misato thought. Before she could inquire the Angel jumped onto the ship, pitching it almost to the point of capsizing before yawing back to a near-level position.

"DAMN! Mike, can you get to your Progressive Knife?" Asuka asked, pinned underneath the aquatic Angel.

Mike tried for a moment, "Negative. The damn thing landed right on top of me. I can't even…SHIT!"

The Angel decided it had spent too much time basking in the glow of the sun and scooted off the carrier, dragging Unit 03 along with it. Asuka almost joined them, but was able to grab hold of the ship before slipping off.

"MIKE!"

"SHINJI!" Asuka and Misato screamed respectively.

"We're alright Misato." Shinji replied. "The Angel has us in it's jaws. Mike says he's going to try something."

"He won't do anything crazy will he?"

"Misato," Asuka deadpanned, "This is Mike you're talking about."

"YOU'RE CRAZY!!" Shinji came over the comm.

"Shinji, what did I tell you earlier about me being crazy?" Mike lazily asked.

"What's going on? What are you doing Mike?" Misato demanded.

"Progressive Blade engaged." Mike responded, "Come on fishy, it's supper time."

"WHAT?!"

"The core's inside the thing's mouth. I can't maneuver at all in the water so I'm going to have the Angel eat me so I can stab it and kill it." Mike explained.

"Mike! That's suicide! Can't you figure something else out?" Misato pleaded.

"Here it comes." Misato could almost hear the maniac grin on Mike's face.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGH!" Shinji screamed again.

"Mike! Shinji! Are you there?" Silence only met her pleas. "Shinji? Mike?" Silence.

Misato fell into a chair, her face turning pale at the thought of losing both Shinji and Mike in the same battle. Her mind shutdown and she dropped the microphone at the continued silence. The Commander wasn't going to like this.

Several seconds later, an explosion and surge of water pulled Misato out of her depression. A black blur and wild rocking had her out of her seat and staring down at Unit 03 spread-eagle facedown on the deck.

"Misato," Mike's voice crackled through the comm system. "The Angel's dead, can I take a break now?"

"Uh…sure Mike. What ever."

"Thanks. Computer, shutdown all systems. Goodnight." With that, Mike passed out.

* - * - * - *

"The new pilot is full of surprises," Commander Ikari commented after watching what little video there was on the battle with the Angel.

"That's because he's psychotic." Kaji stated while staring out the windows of Gendo's office. "He shouldn't be a pilot. He takes too many risks and is totally unpredictable. The worst thing is that STEELE can't find anything on him."

"That is, unfortunate, but acceptable so long as he doesn't interfere with our plans."

Kaji snorted, "He destroyed the deck of the carrier and numerous smaller damages to other vessels. That should tell you something about his stability."

"A minor concern. Most of the ships were scheduled for decommission or major overhauls within the next few months." Gendo relaxed and opened the case in front of him. "As long as we have this though, our plans are right on schedule."

* - * - * - *

"And how are we doing this morning?" Ritsuko asked as Mike finally woke up.

"Blarg. I feel like I got in fight with a mad Scottsman and lost. How bout you?" Mike groaned and draped an arm over his face. "Can I have my shades now?"

"I'd like to give you a quick exam first if that's alright."

"No problem Doc. But I can already tell you I may healthy in body, but I'm screwed in the mind." Mike said as he opened his eyes and looked at her.

Ritsuko chuckled, "Let me make my own…" Her clipboard clattered to the floor. "Oh, God."

To Be Continued…

* - * - * - *

Author's Rant: 

Yeah, I know it's a horrible place to leave off. But oh well. Just needed to get this out of my head. I probably will continue it in the future, but I need to review the rest of the series before I go any further. Also, there may be some people saying things along the lines of, "Yeah, self-insert with the best EVA and being the best pilot," but I'm not. If you want to know, keep reading!

There are going to be hidden jokes that you'll only be able to understand if you've seen the shows. There are two in this one. The first is about the slaps Toji receives upon arrival and the other is the part about the changing rooms. If you don't understand them, watch the videos again.

Yeah, I save the day. So what, who cares? This is one of the few time's I'll get something right. I did like the fishing thing from the show but really thought the EVA should have been eaten so, I did it.

As for the thing with the glasses, that…is a secret.

Send any C&C to Starbase6@aol.com.


End file.
